Kenlove’s Weblog

but just for five minutes, let me write whats bothering me. i am thankful for the things i am about to write about because without these times we wouldnt realize what the times to be thankful are. God allows things to happen in our lives for a reason. no matter how we try and justisfy or explain things, there is always God behind it.may it be the loss of a loved one to death or a friendships final breath. God has taught me alot to be thankful for. i have ALOT of my “friends” i’d say about 95%, that only talk to me when i initiate the conversation. i am thankful because it makes me cherish the remaining 5% whom trully do care for me, and check on me even if its out of the blue. i am 23 and i still live with my parents… part of me is very upset about that. but even though im upset i cant look past the fact that my parents are willingly allowing me to have shelter, even if it was my STUPID decisions that stranded me here. i am currently furious because i am jobless. but even though i get more and more upset everyday that i have to come home and tell my parents i didnt find a job that day, ive got to remember… theres a job out there that God has in His designed plan that, even though i screwed up,  He can still use my screw ups for His glory. a VERY BIG ,depressing sometimes, is that i am sitting here in jacksonville, florida while almost every one i know thats my age is finishing  or  at school right now. i strongly desire to finish school, but i should be happy for those in which God is blessing. i am not in the best shape in the world. in a world that dawns perfection, meaning attraction is no longer a term thats judged on character, personality, and heart; but now is judged by looks, physique, financial gain, and property… its sometimes hard not to feel hurt. but you know i was once a very good looking, physically awesome, young man, with a great physique. but the relationships and friendships that i got during those times were horrible. everyone had a superficial relationship with me. and the sexual desires were astonishing! i realize that i will get back in shape. but not for womens sake, for my health. not so i can get a girl in bed… but so i can get out of bed everyday. not so that i can get all the women in the world to have respect for me, but so i can have respect for myself. and a huge problem for me that i am thankful for… and this is probably the one that has hurt me the most, is not having someone to be there through the good times and bad. family is one thing, friendship another. but when you have that person(bf or gf, fiance, wife or husband) its the best feeling in the world. i havent had anyone in 9 months. it kills me to see kids that were in youth group even after i graduated, in great relationships or marriages. with the one they love in whom loves them back. i have never had that feeling. whenever i thought i did, i was kicked in the crotch emotionally. even in the past month my emotions have been torn to shreds and stomped on. girls showing me affection and then they stop talking to me for NO REASON. its discouraging alot of the time. youre probably like well, what can you be thankful for in THAT situation? its reveals to me that i cant get anyone unless my priorities are in orded( God, church, job, finances, friends) and eventually, while im doing Gods will for my life and persuing His will for my life, then God will allow me to meet someone that will blow my mind! so on this day of thankfulness, where we all think of things to be thankful for… remember this name… God. He has a reason for everything. even our dumb mistakes in life God can and will use ti bring glory to His name. to my friends, i love you all (you know who you are), to my family i cant even think of what it would be like without you all, and to God… thank You for everlasting life, Your love and mercy, and Your everlasting forgiveness.